Quote:
Originally Posted by dinonz
Guys - I need your thoughts.
I've recently started seeing someone, and she seems really smitten really soon. I'm still seeing where it goes, but she's getting very attached. Not that I think she's a gold-digger, but she knows I'm building a house and have an M3 and a Ferrari.
She's a teacher, has an unused passport, 2 teen boys, and lives a nice sensible comfortable life. I don't know her financials, but I believe she lives sensibly but still paycheck to paycheck, I'm about to become comfortable - very comfortable. 8 figure comfortable. I have at least 4 international trips planned for next year alone (sorry - 3 - I still consider Hawaii as international!) and that leaves me with 2 problems:
1. She's a teacher, and it's hard for her to get away. I cannot plan but 1 of the trips (a wedding, and 2 birthdays cannot be changed by me) around her schedule.
2. She cannot afford to go on any of these trips.
#2 is less of an issue - I am old fashioned and not against paying to take someone provided she's not a gold digger, but #1 might mean she can't go on any of my trips which makes for a sad partnership in my view. Or am I being an ass?
I'm far from the "hey - don't work - just come live with me and we can travel at will" stage, but I worry that we're heading for troubled grounds.
I dunno. I've had a couple of wines and don't know what to think.
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At this point...I wouldn't worry about it. I have been in those situations too. I was just honest and told them while I enjoyed spending time with them, I thought they were moving faster than I felt comfortable with...and then I would see what their reaction was.
Don't take this wrong but with all the planning, it sounds like you may also be a little "smitten" with her as well. At this stage of the game, I feel like you still need to put yourself first. Make plans when they can work out, and when they don't work out don't sweat it. Its not like it's your fault anyway.
And if she is truly interested in this going somewhere and not just latching on for financial security, I think she would understand.
My wife is a teacher. We dated for a few years before getting married. During the school year, I was out with my "boys" more than I was with her. But it gave me a chance to see how she reacted. I didn't expect her to change her plans for me, and expected the same in return.
Now after about a year, we had talked about it and committed to see where things would go and that we would only see each other and no one else. That is where I got to see how trusting she could be. As for the gold-digger issue, I used to show up for dates with other women in my brother's old beat up pick-up truck. I figured that would let me know pretty quickly if their were any ulterior motives at hand.
Kind of like not "playing all your cards" at once.
But regardless of my rambling, best of luck with the situation. Your circumstances are different than mine were as I was only 30 when I hit the dating scene again. And I definitely wasn't looking to get in a relationship and didn't for years. I just had fun and did what I wanted. If they were game for those terms...then so be it. If not, then I just checked out.