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2010 2011 BMW 5 Series Forum F10 Stuck in neutral with life....(need advice) |
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04-08-2019, 02:43 PM | #23 |
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Hopefully his love life's not DOA...
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04-08-2019, 03:33 PM | #24 |
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Well, I'm 73 and have been around. I had lots of insecurities through life. I am a mechanical engineer but struggled mightily to get through and get a degree. I was never really happy at my job/jobs.
When I retired at 55 I really didn't do much: part time low level jobs. The older you get the more you want to stay in your "comfort zone" and that breeds more inaction. So I understand your feelings. Couple of thoughts: Volunteer your time or resources..even if they are small. I am finding that helping others be happy or helped, helps me. Makes me feel unbelievably good. I don't have lots of talents..but I became a NRA pistol instructor..I was terrified to do it..but I did. I also went back to playing my Cornet after 50 years and got into a band. There is a book called "The Generiosity Factor" that by itself could turn you around. Also if you could find a "significant other" that might by itself solve your problems. I think you are a very warm and honest person. Tell yourself you are important and can make a difference. If you can make yourself understand that it will change you. Also keep or get in top physical shape..exercise. So important. I've not been a member long here but even those who I dislike..I would bend over backwards to help them if I could. Good luck and don't "wish" for things WORK FOR THEM!!! |
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04-08-2019, 03:51 PM | #26 |
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i listen to a lot of professionals on self development and your #1 problem is not having goals. i'm surprised your psychologist didn't hit on that. start small, and get to work on something.
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04-08-2019, 04:23 PM | #27 |
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had something meaner written up, but probably not a good thing.
My advice is to find something you like to do, and do that. Also, you need to not lean on depression and ADHD as crutches so much. Hundreds of Millions of people struggle with these and are able to achieve great things.
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04-10-2019, 04:52 PM | #28 |
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Your post is very similar to one I have read in the past (maybe last year). Pharma tech, not going anywhere in job and life.
Are you the same person? |
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04-10-2019, 05:20 PM | #29 | |
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04-10-2019, 05:42 PM | #30 |
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so once a year you post up this thread for sympathy points then do nothing to change your situation?
now i understand
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04-10-2019, 06:00 PM | #31 |
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Oh damn! Good call. I had forgotten about that. Wow, you've got some memory. You should be counting card in Vegas or something.
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04-10-2019, 06:50 PM | #32 |
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04-10-2019, 07:04 PM | #33 | |
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04-10-2019, 07:27 PM | #34 |
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Some of you here really lack sympathy and an understanding of mental illness. It's just a reflection of American society sadly.
Edit: wish I could help dude but I'm not really sure how. I think a lot of these issues/concerns (which are legitimate btw) are distracting you from fully focusing on what you need to do to improve your situation. You need to mentally just dedicate yourself to a career path and focus on your studies. Like some others have said, there's no shame in picking up a trade. A buddy of mine from high school just couldn't study worth a lick and dropped out of college after a year. He went to welding school and things have worked out for him. Met a girl too and they got married. Sorry to hear about your Psychiatrist. I actually had a patient tell me today how everybody's gone cash only nowadays. She's having difficulty getting the help she needs.
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04-10-2019, 07:53 PM | #35 | |
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Sorry to hear about your Psychiatrist. I actually had a patient tell me today how everybody's gone cash only nowadays. She's having difficulty getting the help she needs. Indeed! I called one PschD today and he wanted $200 per 45 minutes. No one wants to deal with the insurance companies anymore, its really sad. I found one I'll see very shortly. |
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04-10-2019, 08:31 PM | #36 | |
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You come to a place where people are primarily here to talk about cars and open up about your personal situation and expect page long, nuanced responses? That's misguided. You've received a lot of sympathy, empathy, and constructive suggestions. Take them or not, but don't trash people. Last edited by JohnnyCanuck; 04-10-2019 at 08:48 PM.. |
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04-11-2019, 08:23 AM | #37 |
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04-11-2019, 08:58 AM | #38 | |
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04-11-2019, 09:50 AM | #39 |
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My advice:
No one is better than blue collar. If you haven't got your hands dirty, you don't deserve a position that allows them to be clean. You have to start somewhere. Hard work builds character, integrity and work ethic. Do you think those "blue collars" are going to respect you if you haven't done it yourself? Get up, get out and do something. I suffered from some very serious depression and mental illness myself. Therapy, meds and excuses did nothing for me. What worked was getting my ass up and getting something done. This gave me determination to finish what I started and then a sense of pride once it was completed. ADHD and mental illness are nothing more than rubber crutches. Everyone has issues. People that get my respect are those that don't bitch about their issues and trudge along anyway. Complaining about why things can't be done will only get you looked at with an opposing eye. Don't complain, don't explain why you can't do something and just do it. You'll feel better about yourself and people will respect you. By no means am I trying to be an ass. I'm a very empathetic person with a huge heart. To me it sounds as if you are grasping at straws as to why things can't be done. Just light a fire under your own ass rocking out to an 80's movie style montage making your life the way you want it. You need a montage! Even Rocky had a montage...... |
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04-11-2019, 11:28 AM | #40 | |
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I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist so I decided I shouldn't try and sound like one. I have read tens of thousands of pages of medical records, reports, IME's, etc over my professional career and give advice to employers on their obligations to accommodate disabled employees so I wrote that from the perspective of my experiential knowledge ... but I thought it crossed over into making me sound like I was actually qualified to make those comments. TL;DR: soft and fluffy was an inadvertent consequence. |
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04-11-2019, 11:45 AM | #41 | |
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OP needs to be proactive and determined to change his own life or else no one can help you even the professional. Don't give yourself any excuses and get shit done. |
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04-11-2019, 11:59 AM | #42 |
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Hmmm, let's see here:
1) I've had ADHD since I was a child, but never took any medications for it. Made it tough for me when I was a child, but I manage just fine. 2) In the past, I frequently thought that everyone was better than me. As such, it caused much anxiety in my life and made me feel I needed to be better than I was. So not too far off from you. What about now? I traveled the world with the US Military and subsequently with the US Government. Now I have a prominent job, multiple grad degrees, professional accreditation, and I own a Ferrari. Only you can make what you want out of life happen. Some of your comments strike me as very recognizable among myself in the distant past as well as others I've known through life. Nothing anyone here is going to say to you will help until you decide to make things happen yourself. If your depression is very severe, then medication might be in order - otherwise, any meds for that or ADHD are only going to hinder you and enable your current poor behavior, not make it better. If you feel you are better than blue color, fine. I think that is an insulting statement, but if you feel that way, so be it. Now, currently you obviously are not better than blue collar, because you still live with your mommy and obviously have no self worth. Want to be better? Be. Better. Get an education that you want. Suck it up and take 3-5 classes a semester and work twice as hard as the next guy to overcome any obstacles you have in life. Stop looking for others for your own self worth. Alas - I doubt any of this will sink in, because you have apparently decided that 'it isn't worth the bother' to go out and make something of yourself.
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04-12-2019, 08:25 AM | #43 | |
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People have given you great advice, both this time and last year, but you keep using mental health as a crutch. ADHD, sorry, is for the most part, a made up thing for over active people. Ive been told I have adhd by several DRs when i was younger, and yet here I am, doing fine and not using that to keep me from achieving what I want. And while we're at it, lol at being better than blue collar. Learning a trade is going to be the best way to get into good money, especially since you say you cant take more than 1 class at a time in school. Ive cleared well into the 6 figures for nearly the last decade with one of those lowly blue collar jobs, and I have several people working for me that are getting paid more than that when you factor in OT wages and bonuses. Ive had projects where Electricians have been making $75hr +
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04-12-2019, 09:06 AM | #44 |
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To the OP:
Two things, and I'll be as brief as possible. One: some people are just jellyfish. You know these people, they are the ones that go wherever the tides take them and they are AOK with it. They're happy being jellyfish and that is AOK if that's what you want. Since you continue to post on this, perhaps you don't want to be a jellyfish. Two: I will share with you a story that I heard once at a high school commencement a long time ago for a neighbor's kid. The valedictorian got up on stage, and started her speech: She said that she heard this from a public figure, perhaps it was Winston Churchill, I don't remember. But she presented, and I'm paraphrasing (briefly as it was a long speech) to the best of my memory: "Class of ##; congrats! We have exciting times ahead and I want to share a story I hope will help you in your future endeavors. I have Lyme disease. I didn't earn this, or deserve it, it just happened. I learned a long time ago that my disease could defeat, define or distinguish me. With defeat, I could've walked through life stating my life circumstances are, because I unfairly got this disease. How unfair! This is the reason why I'm not where I want to be with my life. This is the reason why I complain and am miserable. This is the reason why others have it better. Etc. It could have defined me. Regardless of my outcome in life, I could always rehash back that my life was only as it was because of the Lyme disease. Regardless if it was good or bad. I would always be known as 'hey there's that Lyme disease girl.' Whether they were referencing me in a good or bad way. Or, my personal problems could distinguish me. Until this speech, other than my doctor, parents and best friend, nobody has known of my condition. I debated heavily whether to use this or not, as his could throw me into the "define" category in some of your minds, but, it was worth the risk. In spite of the difficulties this disease has caused me (she describe challenges I don't remember), I have accomplished what I have in spite of it. I'm here speaking to you today as the valedictorian and on my way to my dream college. 4 years from now, expect to see me speaking as the valedictorian there too. This is the last time anyone will hear me mention my personal struggles. Class of ##, you too have this freedom to choose how your own personal life circumstances will defeat, define or distinguish you." Well, it was FAR more moving and detailed when she said it! Good luck! |
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