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      07-30-2019, 08:35 AM   #4401
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      07-30-2019, 08:40 AM   #4402
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Yeah. I've already backed off. We both have busy weeks, so I'm not about to try and add to either of our stress levels.
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      07-30-2019, 08:48 AM   #4403
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Originally Posted by nyalpine90 View Post
she is pushing away, give her the space and see what she does. If you dont hear from her, let her go.
I agree. Let her miss you and wonder where you are. Give her space. Ball is in her court.

I know it sucks but, maybe she's just scared because of how well things were going and the reality of the relationship.
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      07-30-2019, 08:58 AM   #4404
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Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches View Post
Yeah. I've already backed off. We both have busy weeks, so I'm not about to try and add to either of our stress levels.
Good man and smart move here. I have a feeling she will come around. This will also demonstrate to her your ability to be flexible around her needs.

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Originally Posted by cmyx6go View Post
I agree. Let her miss you and wonder where you are. Give her space. Ball is in her court.

I know it sucks but, maybe she's just scared because of how well things were going and the reality of the relationship.
This. I know that anytime that things are going well for me, it scares the hell out of me and I tend to push back.
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      07-30-2019, 09:39 AM   #4405
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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
This. I know that anytime that things are going well for me, it scares the hell out of me and I tend to push back.
Or you can use BP OT and Politics as the antidote in those times...just jump back on here with a controversial post and you can go off licking your wounds and it'll balance your life out nicely.
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      07-30-2019, 09:48 AM   #4406
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Or you can use BP OT and Politics as the antidote in those times...just jump back on here with a controversial post and you can go off licking your wounds and it'll balance your life out nicely.
This is actually very accurate. I'll be honest, there have been several times that I have posted on here, only to have my thoughts and opinion thrown back in my face....with force. This place can be the f'n thunderdome for sure.
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      07-30-2019, 10:21 AM   #4407
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This is actually very accurate. I'll be honest, there have been several times that I have posted on here, only to have my thoughts and opinion thrown back in my face....with force. This place can be the f'n thunderdome for sure.
Yeah, I've definitely felt like the fish in the proverbial barrel on here more than once. But it's good, keeps me humble, and I learn new things.
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he's Canadian. By international law we all must worship him and all other products of the country.
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      07-30-2019, 10:23 AM   #4408
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Yeah, I've definitely felt like the fish in the proverbial barrel on here more than once. But it's good, keeps me humble, and I learn new things.
Exactly!
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      07-30-2019, 11:16 AM   #4409
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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
This is actually very accurate. I'll be honest, there have been several times that I have posted on here, only to have my thoughts and opinion thrown back in my face....with force. This place can be the f'n thunderdome for sure.
Yeah, I've definitely felt like the fish in the proverbial barrel on here more than once. But it's good, keeps me humble, and I learn new things.
Coconuts FTMFW!!!
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      07-30-2019, 12:34 PM   #4410
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i'll bite

whats your "he can be all this but if he does this it won't work out whatsoever" thing?
I think everybody has their ďdealbreaker thingĒ
For me Iím extremely independent. I grew up on a farm doing work outside with horses, to a certain extent I will do my own work on my car, and am an entrepreneur in business etc. The second thatís challenged or I get a condescending remark about it in a relationship, I donít care how perfect the guy is, Iím out. I put up with a person who was like that for over a year and it was toxic. I donít want to go down that road again.

For everybody itís different though, there are some women want the guy to dote to them and do everything for them. So ultimately it just boils down to being around someone that understands and complements you.
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      07-30-2019, 12:37 PM   #4411
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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
I'll agree with this. Women are like cats, they'll let you know if they want something of you. The more you try to project yourself on them, the more they tend to walk away.

Give her some space. You already know that she cares about you. Let her sort things out in her mind.
Accurate statement. It might hurt for a bit, but I bet with a little time sheíll reach back out, cause itís not that sheís not thinking about you, she just needs to do it on her own terms.
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      07-30-2019, 12:46 PM   #4412
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Yeah, I've definitely felt like the fish in the proverbial barrel on here more than once. But it's good, keeps me humble, and I learn new things.
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Coconuts FTMFW!!!
Ahh, screw off serf!
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he's Canadian. By international law we all must worship him and all other products of the country.
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      07-30-2019, 12:47 PM   #4413
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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
Good man and smart move here. I have a feeling she will come around. This will also demonstrate to her your ability to be flexible around her needs.



This. I know that anytime that things are going well for me, it scares the hell out of me and I tend to push back.
This right here. My wife has always accused me in the past of always holding back just a little. But when you have gone through what I have in the past...I can't help it.

I mentioned it before...I learned a long time ago I could be perfectly content being by myself. I could pick up "company" for a night or two pretty much whenever I wanted it...so I didn't have that aspect to be needy about.

It's selfish to admit, but I don't ever see my self being able to go "all in" again. Once was enough and I go burned for something she even admitted was her mistake. She was ready to get back together within 2 weeks of me leaving telling me she screwed up.

I told her that it wasn't happening. I could forgive but not forget. We are friends now and she has kids, but will still say that she made the ultimate mistake and realizes it.

Now granted I did pretty good for myself after it was just me and my daughter..so the materialistic side of it could be some of the reasons why she still insists that.

I have a good wife now. She is totally committed. But I told her that just because of the way I am because of my past..it doesn't change how I feel about her. She knows my character and that I would never intentionally hurt her. But she also knows that I'm not one for playing games either.
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      07-30-2019, 01:55 PM   #4414
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This right here. My wife has always accused me in the past of always holding back just a little. But when you have gone through what I have in the past...I can't help it.

I mentioned it before...I learned a long time ago I could be perfectly content being by myself. I could pick up "company" for a night or two pretty much whenever I wanted it...so I didn't have that aspect to be needy about.

It's selfish to admit, but I don't ever see my self being able to go "all in" again. Once was enough and I go burned for something she even admitted was her mistake. She was ready to get back together within 2 weeks of me leaving telling me she screwed up.

I told her that it wasn't happening. I could forgive but not forget. We are friends now and she has kids, but will still say that she made the ultimate mistake and realizes it.

Now granted I did pretty good for myself after it was just me and my daughter..so the materialistic side of it could be some of the reasons why she still insists that.

I have a good wife now. She is totally committed. But I told her that just because of the way I am because of my past..it doesn't change how I feel about her. She knows my character and that I would never intentionally hurt her. But she also knows that I'm not one for playing games either.
Uncanny. Same page. The girlfriend and I were talking Friday night and she mentioned that she feels like I hold back.....I do. I love and care for her. I will never do anything intentionally to hurt her, but I will never go all in again. It's great when you fall in love with someone and simply can't get enough of them. I also feel like everyone experiences this once in life. If you experience this more than once, you need to stop what you are doing and go see a counselor because something is wrong with you. If I stick my head in an oven and burn all my hair off, (this isn't what happened to my hair btw) you can bet your ass I will never do it again. People that want to go all in, have never experienced this level of crazy that it brings you to, or have issues to where they don't mind making the same mistake over and over again. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being somewhat emotional, we are human - we are suppose to feel emotion; however, emotion should never supersede intellect or common sense.
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      07-31-2019, 02:47 AM   #4415
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelse92 View Post
I think everybody has their “dealbreaker thing”
For me I’m extremely independent. I grew up on a farm doing work outside with horses, to a certain extent I will do my own work on my car, and am an entrepreneur in business etc. The second that’s challenged or I get a condescending remark about it in a relationship, I don’t care how perfect the guy is, I’m out. I put up with a person who was like that for over a year and it was toxic. I don’t want to go down that road again.

For everybody it’s different though, there are some women want the guy to dote to them and do everything for them. So ultimately it just boils down to being around someone that understands and complements you.
Whadd'ya mean with extremely independent? Some men want to keep her funnier looking half everytime around them, for what reasons ever, my personal nightmare. I like independent women very much because they would never give me the feeling to surround me too much and they're be able to go their own way in between a relationship. Most important for me is the fact that at all differences at least that the scissor is narrowing at the end so to speak.
It may sound a bit too wise but as a young man I'd looked at girls to get with the most matches in hobbies etc., now as very older I admit that the lowest sum of potential angers are the aim of a really good relationship.
Time is too short to waste it with constant troubles into my private life.

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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
Uncanny. Same page. The girlfriend and I were talking Friday night and she mentioned that she feels like I hold back.....I do. I love and care for her. I will never do anything intentionally to hurt her, but I will never go all in again. It's great when you fall in love with someone and simply can't get enough of them. I also feel like everyone experiences this once in life. If you experience this more than once, you need to stop what you are doing and go see a counselor because something is wrong with you. If I stick my head in an oven and burn all my hair off, (this isn't what happened to my hair btw) you can bet your ass I will never do it again. People that want to go all in, have never experienced this level of crazy that it brings you to, or have issues to where they don't mind making the same mistake over and over again. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being somewhat emotional, we are human - we are suppose to feel emotion; however, emotion should never supersede intellect or common sense.
Thats very well written man, most ppls won't face this truth were I bet nearly all went through, me included.
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      07-31-2019, 08:50 AM   #4416
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Originally Posted by Dang3r View Post
Whadd'ya mean with extremely independent? Some men want to keep her funnier looking half everytime around them, for what reasons ever, my personal nightmare. I like independent women very much because they would never give me the feeling to surround me too much and they're be able to go their own way in between a relationship. Most important for me is the fact that at all differences at least that the scissor is narrowing at the end so to speak.
It may sound a bit too wise but as a young man I'd looked at girls to get with the most matches in hobbies etc., now as very older I admit that the lowest sum of potential angers are the aim of a really good relationship.
Time is too short to waste it with constant troubles into my private life.



Thats very well written man, most ppls won't face this truth were I bet nearly all went through, me included.
We've all been there at least once man. Everybody has that one that just completely ripped their heart out through their knee caps.
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      07-31-2019, 09:19 AM   #4417
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Originally Posted by Dang3r View Post
Whadd'ya mean with extremely independent? Some men want to keep her funnier looking half everytime around them, for what reasons ever, my personal nightmare. I like independent women very much because they would never give me the feeling to surround me too much and they're be able to go their own way in between a relationship. Most important for me is the fact that at all differences at least that the scissor is narrowing at the end so to speak.
It may sound a bit too wise but as a young man I'd looked at girls to get with the most matches in hobbies etc., now as very older I admit that the lowest sum of potential angers are the aim of a really good relationship.
Time is too short to waste it with constant troubles into my private life.



Thats very well written man, most ppls won't face this truth were I bet nearly all went through, me included.
We've all been there at least once man. Everybody has that one that just completely ripped their heart out through their knee caps.
We all have, but don't be afraid to love completely. Life is too short to be afraid. We all get hurt, but being emotionally unavailable is also just as damaging to yourself and relationships.
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      07-31-2019, 09:47 AM   #4418
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We all have, but don't be afraid to love completely. Life is too short to be afraid. We all get hurt, but being emotionally unavailable is also just as damaging to yourself and relationships.
I agree and i think its only fair that person your with deserve a chance to be love without holding back. What happen in the past, should stay in past but never forget. True happiness comes when you let all that go, allow yourself to fall in love, and be loved without fear. Living life with fear of being heart broken, or in general will only set you back.

ok im finish, gotta do some work
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      07-31-2019, 10:34 AM   #4419
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We all have, but don't be afraid to love completely. Life is too short to be afraid. We all get hurt, but being emotionally unavailable is also just as damaging to yourself and relationships.
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Originally Posted by nyalpine90 View Post
I agree and i think its only fair that person your with deserve a chance to be love without holding back. What happen in the past, should stay in past but never forget. True happiness comes when you let all that go, allow yourself to fall in love, and be loved without fear. Living life with fear of being heart broken, or in general will only set you back.

ok im finish, gotta do some work
I wouldn't say that I am afraid or that I do not love her completely. What happened in the past has only allowed me to love her in a more healthy way. I have let the past go from an emotional standpoint, but I will not forget what it did to me. I do very much love the girlfriend and I love her without fear. In the event that something happens to our relationship, it most definitely will hurt when it ends; however, I will never allow myself to get so fully wrapped up in someone again, that it almost destroys me. Loving someone else is great, but loving yourself enough to have some self preservation is much more important.

Think of it this way. If you care so much about everyone around you, that you are constantly filling everyone else's glass before you fill your own; at the end of the day, everyone else has a full glass but you. I've learned to fill my glass first, then fill theirs with the overflow of my glass. Their glass is full, but mine isn't empty in the process.

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      07-31-2019, 10:47 AM   #4420
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Think of it this way. If you care so much about everyone around you, that you are constantly filling everyone else's glass before you fill your own; at the end of the day, everyone else has a full glass but you. I've learned to fill my glass first, then fill theirs with the overflow of my glass. Their glass is full, but mine isn't empty in the process.
You need to put your own wants and needs before someone else's. And that is not being selfish. I am considerate to a fault. For so long I worried about what leaving and the divorce would do to him, and by doing so made myself a wreck. Your well being always needs to come first.
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      07-31-2019, 10:47 AM   #4421
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I wouldn't say that I am afraid or that I do not love her completely. What happened in the past has only allowed me to love her in a more healthy way. I have let the past go from an emotional standpoint, but I will not forget what it did to me. I do very much love the girlfriend and I love her without fear. In the event that something happens to our relationship, it most definitely hurt when it ends; however, I will never allow myself to get so fully wrapped up in someone again that it almost destroys me. Loving someone else is great, but loving yourself enough to have some self preservation is much more important.

Think of it this way. If you care so much about everyone around you, that you are constantly filling everyone else's glass before you fill your own; at the end of the day, everyone else has a full glass but you. I've learned to fill my glass first, then fill theirs with the overflow of my glass. Their glass is full, but mine isn't empty in the process[/COLOR].

oh i definitely understand what you mean. I have to admit I did this with my immediate family but thats whole different thread lol
i stop being the waiter.
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      07-31-2019, 12:30 PM   #4422
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Whadd'ya mean with extremely independent? Some men want to keep her funnier looking half everytime around them, for what reasons ever, my personal nightmare. I like independent women very much because they would never give me the feeling to surround me too much and they're be able to go their own way in between a relationship. Most important for me is the fact that at all differences at least that the scissor is narrowing at the end so to speak.
It may sound a bit too wise but as a young man I'd looked at girls to get with the most matches in hobbies etc., now as very older I admit that the lowest sum of potential angers are the aim of a really good relationship.
Time is too short to waste it with constant troubles into my private life.
Lol you’re definitely outside the norm that I’m used to! But maybe it’s a product of my living in the south?? I feel like the culture is much different here than if I were to live in NYC, Chicago, or LA
And I agree the hobby thing can go either way. It can go fantastic where it something you enjoy doing together, and it can also go very sideways and result in resentment as well. Fine line to walk on there.
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